Evening Comics Take Aim At Trump's Latest 'Gold Card' Residency Scheme

TV's leading comedians used their evening mocking President Donald Trump's newly announced visa program, dubbed the "golden visa," portraying it as a obvious pay-for-access scheme for the rich.

Stephen Colbert's Pointed Spin

Kicking off his show, Stephen Colbert offered a satirical Christmas song targeting the president. "He's making a list, reviewing it twice, and then handing that list to the agents at ICE," he crooned. "Donald Trump ... destroys everything he comes into contact with."

Colbert's target was the new program that allows international individuals to buy U.S. legal status for a sum of $1 million dollars, with a "platinum" version for five million. A government portal pledges approval "in record time."

"A quick message for you to affluent immigrants: prior to you fork over the cash, have you considered Canada?" Colbert quipped.

He pointed out that the card is also intended to "extract cash" from firms wishing to hire foreign workers, involving hefty costs. "That is a lot of fees, however if you register, you also get free accommodation at a hotel of your choice – provided that it's the Tampa Marriott Bonvoy," he said.

"The best vetting the U.S. government has ever done," said Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to make sure these applicants truly qualify to be in America."

"That's important, you gotta prove you're suitable to be an American," Colbert responded. "First question: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Scathing Roast

On his own program, Jimmy Kimmel dubbed the initiative the "U.S. Access Express Card."

"This is a card that will permit affluent overseas citizens to live here," he stated. "For a million dollars, you get official visitor status, you get a pathway to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one significant crime of your choice."

"Maybe it's time to revise that message on the Statue of Liberty – to hell with your poor masses. Pay a million bucks, you're in!" he added.

Kimmel mocked the brevity of the form, observing it is "more difficult to start a Wordle account." He lamented that Trump "thinks citizenship is something you can sell, like a condo."

"Exactly, the finest people are the rich people," Kimmel joked. "That's what Jesus constantly said! It's in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you pay the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers discussing Economic Struggles

On another network, Seth Meyers turned to Trump's declining poll ratings during financial worries. "Voters gave Donald Trump a another term because they were angry about the economy," he said.

Recently, in a effort to address affordability, Trump conducted a press conference in front of a array of food items, and behaved strangely to boxes of cereal.

"These look great, I think I'm going to take a few of them with me to my cottage and have a lot of fun," Trump remarked. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a long time."

"He's so fucking weird," Meyers responded. "Like, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What's the plan with those Cheerios?"

Meyers concluded by targeting right-leaning news coverage of Trump's financial performance. "Maybe rather than complaining, you should give him a shiny trophy similar to what FIFA did," he joked.